Terrible Human Being

Reasons why I won’t go to Heaven
1. I hate yoga
2. Sometimes I stay on the phone while I’m buying something
3. I own a smart phone
4. I broke the smart phone after having if for only a month
5. I’m spiritually dead inside
6. When I’m drunk I like to dance to Ke$ha
7. I always know whose going to win reality completions
8. I’ve been through more best friends than the girls on The Hills
9. I only wear sunscreen so I can stay looking young
10. I don’t ask if how the food is made because I don’t want to know if it’s meat
11. I write bitchy comment on facebook in my free time

Before you get married...

1) Turn 25
2) Visit a new continent
3) Ride a horse
4) Dye your hair (or alter your look in some major way)
5) Get your driver’s license
6) Learn a second language
7) Live on your own (be in charge of all your own bills, laundry, cooking, transport, etc.)