Nonsense to avoid
•Hipster
•First world
•Girly
•Chick
•Political
•PETA
•Celebrity
•Weather
•Technological
•Religious
•Imaginary
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
Summer Bummer RecapSummer Bummer Recap
Summer Bummer Recap
I heard that was summer was over last week, but it’s hard to notice a temperature change because I try to avoid going outside.
This is my summer by the numbers
Weddings attended: 3
Weddings of grooms who attended catholic school: 3
Catholic wedding’s: 0
Wedding’s in walking distance: 1
Visit’s to the hospital: 23 kijillion
Visits to the ER: 1
Times threatened to be fired: 1 billion
Times threatened to quit: 1000
Time spent outside: 12 minutes
Time spent looking up stuff on my smartphone: 3 trillion minutes
TV stations showing Friends: All of them.
Days spent at the beach: 2
Sunburns: 1
Blog post I meant to write: 10
Post I wrote: 4?
Days in I know what day it: 3
Threats to get public school and take off my earrings: 12
I heard that was summer was over last week, but it’s hard to notice a temperature change because I try to avoid going outside.
This is my summer by the numbers
Weddings attended: 3
Weddings of grooms who attended catholic school: 3
Catholic wedding’s: 0
Wedding’s in walking distance: 1
Visit’s to the hospital: 23 kijillion
Visits to the ER: 1
Times threatened to be fired: 1 billion
Times threatened to quit: 1000
Time spent outside: 12 minutes
Time spent looking up stuff on my smartphone: 3 trillion minutes
TV stations showing Friends: All of them.
Days spent at the beach: 2
Sunburns: 1
Blog post I meant to write: 10
Post I wrote: 4?
Days in I know what day it: 3
Threats to get public school and take off my earrings: 12
Friday, September 23, 2011
Too far PETA-too far
Dear PETA
Why do you hate women?
I have been a vegetarian for most of my life, but I have been a human woman for all of it. And as a human and woman I think you are a terrible terrible organization.
I don’t eat meat. I don’t wear fur or leather. Wool makes me itch. I don’t go hunting or fishing (or anything that involves going outside). Pet shows seem super lame. I never had a pet and I don’t really like them, so euthanasia will never be an issue for me. I aspire to be as uninvolved with animals as possible. I think people who eat meat but would never hunt are hypocrites, and I cannot stand people who won’t eat something that reminds them of the animal it used to be. So you probably get me.
But I don’t get you. You hate women. I would think you would want women on your side. Women make up a sizable percentage of the vegetarian community. Women do most of the shopping. PETA is run by women. And women are people too. So maybe it’s not the best outreach tactic every to dehumanize them. Your ‘I’d rather go naked’ campaign unnecessarily sexualized. The cage motif is degrading. And your comments about blubber are stupid- being a vegetarian does not make you thin. But your new website, OMFG. You may have a history of degrading people in the name of animal rights, but it least it (sort of) made sense. Porn has nothing to do with people (except animal porn). In addition to being a terrible organization-you have completely lost sight of what you are trying to achieve. And you hate women.
I don’t understand why you hate women. But do you understand why this vegetarian hates you?
Why do you hate women?
I have been a vegetarian for most of my life, but I have been a human woman for all of it. And as a human and woman I think you are a terrible terrible organization.
I don’t eat meat. I don’t wear fur or leather. Wool makes me itch. I don’t go hunting or fishing (or anything that involves going outside). Pet shows seem super lame. I never had a pet and I don’t really like them, so euthanasia will never be an issue for me. I aspire to be as uninvolved with animals as possible. I think people who eat meat but would never hunt are hypocrites, and I cannot stand people who won’t eat something that reminds them of the animal it used to be. So you probably get me.
But I don’t get you. You hate women. I would think you would want women on your side. Women make up a sizable percentage of the vegetarian community. Women do most of the shopping. PETA is run by women. And women are people too. So maybe it’s not the best outreach tactic every to dehumanize them. Your ‘I’d rather go naked’ campaign unnecessarily sexualized. The cage motif is degrading. And your comments about blubber are stupid- being a vegetarian does not make you thin. But your new website, OMFG. You may have a history of degrading people in the name of animal rights, but it least it (sort of) made sense. Porn has nothing to do with people (except animal porn). In addition to being a terrible organization-you have completely lost sight of what you are trying to achieve. And you hate women.
I don’t understand why you hate women. But do you understand why this vegetarian hates you?
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Revolutionary ideas that have not caught on…YET
A few ideas for people to marinate on
All good names start with the letter K
We’re pretty much friends now
When the aliens come and want to know what a human is we should offer Padma Lakshmi as an example
All first dates should take place at Whole Foods
It’s ok to say “Oh yell yes”
Some people drive and some people get driven
Unless you are next on the organ transplant list stay off your cellphone
We are one united people
My hair naturally changes colors because I am shedding like a snake
People who are really into eating meat shouldn’t have grandkids
All good names start with the letter K
We’re pretty much friends now
When the aliens come and want to know what a human is we should offer Padma Lakshmi as an example
All first dates should take place at Whole Foods
It’s ok to say “Oh yell yes”
Some people drive and some people get driven
Unless you are next on the organ transplant list stay off your cellphone
We are one united people
My hair naturally changes colors because I am shedding like a snake
People who are really into eating meat shouldn’t have grandkids
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Something to be happy about
During one of the most trying times in my life it’s good to remember how good I have it.
We’re pretty much friends now
Free Wi-Fi at the hospital
It’s always breakfast somewhere (and breakfast means mimosas)
I can watch Scrubs while wearing scrubs
I am done buying you bitches wedding presents
Twitter is better on a phone
I’ve already seen a view
Robyn does techno now
Spellcheck in English and Spanish
Lady Gaga is toning down her look
I have the same name as a future queen
There is an app for that
It turns out I wasn’t be stalked
Weather doesn’t really bother me
There are a lot of vegetarian options available
I almost always know what will happen on Gossip Girl
Free days for museums
I paid all my library overdue fees
We’re pretty much friends now
Free Wi-Fi at the hospital
It’s always breakfast somewhere (and breakfast means mimosas)
I can watch Scrubs while wearing scrubs
I am done buying you bitches wedding presents
Twitter is better on a phone
I’ve already seen a view
Robyn does techno now
Spellcheck in English and Spanish
Lady Gaga is toning down her look
I have the same name as a future queen
There is an app for that
It turns out I wasn’t be stalked
Weather doesn’t really bother me
There are a lot of vegetarian options available
I almost always know what will happen on Gossip Girl
Free days for museums
I paid all my library overdue fees
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Why we can’t have nice things
1.Materialism is bad
2.I broke a $200 electronic after having it less than six weeks
3.Mommy brakes expensive things and blames me
4.Sometimes I move my things and forget where I put it
5.I want newer things sooner
6.The stuff is not well made to begin with
7.Nothing last forever
2.I broke a $200 electronic after having it less than six weeks
3.Mommy brakes expensive things and blames me
4.Sometimes I move my things and forget where I put it
5.I want newer things sooner
6.The stuff is not well made to begin with
7.Nothing last forever
Monday, July 25, 2011
Terrible Human Being
Reasons why I won’t go to Heaven
1. I hate yoga
2. Sometimes I stay on the phone while I’m buying something
3. I own a smart phone
4. I broke the smart phone after having if for only a month
5. I’m spiritually dead inside
6. When I’m drunk I like to dance to Ke$ha
7. I always know whose going to win reality completions
8. I’ve been through more best friends than the girls on The Hills
9. I only wear sunscreen so I can stay looking young
10. I don’t ask if how the food is made because I don’t want to know if it’s meat
11. I write bitchy comment on facebook in my free time
1. I hate yoga
2. Sometimes I stay on the phone while I’m buying something
3. I own a smart phone
4. I broke the smart phone after having if for only a month
5. I’m spiritually dead inside
6. When I’m drunk I like to dance to Ke$ha
7. I always know whose going to win reality completions
8. I’ve been through more best friends than the girls on The Hills
9. I only wear sunscreen so I can stay looking young
10. I don’t ask if how the food is made because I don’t want to know if it’s meat
11. I write bitchy comment on facebook in my free time
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Before you get married...
1) Turn 25
2) Visit a new continent
3) Ride a horse
4) Dye your hair (or alter your look in some major way)
5) Get your driver’s license
6) Learn a second language
7) Live on your own (be in charge of all your own bills, laundry, cooking, transport, etc.)
2) Visit a new continent
3) Ride a horse
4) Dye your hair (or alter your look in some major way)
5) Get your driver’s license
6) Learn a second language
7) Live on your own (be in charge of all your own bills, laundry, cooking, transport, etc.)
Friday, April 8, 2011
Clean water
In some places people are not so lucky to have easy access to clean drinkable water. For some it means always having to buy clean water or boil any water before drinking. For many it means a lengthy and involved process to have water for drinking, cooking, and cleaning.
I am lucky. Water comes out of my faucet by magic. I like tap water. I live a place with one of the highest standards of water quality. Most Europeans don’t drink the tap water because they think low class. A lot of people don’t drink tap water because they think bottles water is healthier (a lot of people are wrong). We are so lucky have water at a finger tips and yet we spend so much time and money getting special water. I hope I’m never thirsty.
I am lucky. Water comes out of my faucet by magic. I like tap water. I live a place with one of the highest standards of water quality. Most Europeans don’t drink the tap water because they think low class. A lot of people don’t drink tap water because they think bottles water is healthier (a lot of people are wrong). We are so lucky have water at a finger tips and yet we spend so much time and money getting special water. I hope I’m never thirsty.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
What you shouldn’t talk about on a first Date
1. Your ex.(if you must tell an amusing antidote, at least refer to them as your friend)
2.Politics. (I am incapable of following this rule)
3.Sex.
4.Your desire to have kids (however you should talk about the kids you already have)
5.Religion
6.Money (except to figure out who’s paying for what)
7.The Colombian Drug wars
8. Getting married.
And stay off your cellphone!
2.Politics. (I am incapable of following this rule)
3.Sex.
4.Your desire to have kids (however you should talk about the kids you already have)
5.Religion
6.Money (except to figure out who’s paying for what)
7.The Colombian Drug wars
8. Getting married.
And stay off your cellphone!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
new phone
After (cough) years of being stuck with my thoughts when outside…After years of waiting until I get home to know stuff…after being the last person in the first world with no internet on my phone…
I have an IPHONE!!!
I have an IPHONE!!!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
my phone died
My phone Died
My phone died and I feel powerless to function without it. I am so distraught I want to spell phone with an F (fone). I used to judge people who were always on their phone but now I find that I am not so much better.
My phone was three years old. I did not use it to internet or to check my email. I often turned it off when hanging out with people so I could give them my full attention. I didn’t care that I couldn’t check my phone at work. I have lived most of my life with a cell phone. And when I was in Costa Rica I did not even have a phone (not that a Costa Rican would stand for life with no phone).
But I feel very lost with my phone. I keep trying to check my messages because I am worried about what I might miss (no one ever calls). Goodbye red phone (unless I fix it).
My phone died and I feel powerless to function without it. I am so distraught I want to spell phone with an F (fone). I used to judge people who were always on their phone but now I find that I am not so much better.
My phone was three years old. I did not use it to internet or to check my email. I often turned it off when hanging out with people so I could give them my full attention. I didn’t care that I couldn’t check my phone at work. I have lived most of my life with a cell phone. And when I was in Costa Rica I did not even have a phone (not that a Costa Rican would stand for life with no phone).
But I feel very lost with my phone. I keep trying to check my messages because I am worried about what I might miss (no one ever calls). Goodbye red phone (unless I fix it).
Sunday, January 9, 2011
vacation homes
Even with my clean drinking water, library full books, rapid transportation options, climate controlled wok condition, stable government, etc.-sometimes I need a vacation. Most of my vacations have been around the USA where I marvel at peoples regional accents, or in other first world where I marvel at the fact the people can function with roughly half the amount of stuff as we Americans have. I have spent a month Mexican, reassuring the citizen that I knew that Taco Bell is not real Mexican food. I also spent a long weekend in Nicaragua where I spaced out for a minute, forgot where I was and drank tap water.
I like to travel as much as anyone else with air sickness, and there’s a lot of cool stuff on earth to see. I don’t like places like Cancun or Caribbean resorts. When I go to new place I like t0 interact with the local people, learn about the culture, and get to know a place (as the long as the place is safe and I don’t have to eat beef).
What I do not like are vacation homes. First of all you always have to go to the same place, and I like to harass a new group of people with my snarky commentary. Also, you have to maintain and take care of your house and that sounds like wok and work is not vacation. Plus you can stay in hotels where people pick up after you, or you can stay in a hostel which is great for sleeping around.
I am ok with vacation homes in Europe or Wisconsin. But I hate it when people buy homes in economically challenged countries (with no middle class). First and foremost they are pricing locals out of their own country. You driving up the cost of living to the point that people cannot afford to live in their country. How is that fair? People who vacation in Cabo may wonder why everyone is so rude to them.
They are probably just upset they have no place to live. Also, economic instability tends to go along with political instability-what will if while you were surfing the government fell and now you r home the castle of the new dictator? In addition to losing your home to a new regime you cannot even drink the water. You now live in a place you cannot drink the water from your own facet.
If you buy vacation home, you are displacing the local population (who now hate you), the government may fall (putting you in serious danger), and you cannot even drink a glass of water to celebrate.
Enjoy your vacation!
I like to travel as much as anyone else with air sickness, and there’s a lot of cool stuff on earth to see. I don’t like places like Cancun or Caribbean resorts. When I go to new place I like t0 interact with the local people, learn about the culture, and get to know a place (as the long as the place is safe and I don’t have to eat beef).
What I do not like are vacation homes. First of all you always have to go to the same place, and I like to harass a new group of people with my snarky commentary. Also, you have to maintain and take care of your house and that sounds like wok and work is not vacation. Plus you can stay in hotels where people pick up after you, or you can stay in a hostel which is great for sleeping around.
I am ok with vacation homes in Europe or Wisconsin. But I hate it when people buy homes in economically challenged countries (with no middle class). First and foremost they are pricing locals out of their own country. You driving up the cost of living to the point that people cannot afford to live in their country. How is that fair? People who vacation in Cabo may wonder why everyone is so rude to them.
They are probably just upset they have no place to live. Also, economic instability tends to go along with political instability-what will if while you were surfing the government fell and now you r home the castle of the new dictator? In addition to losing your home to a new regime you cannot even drink the water. You now live in a place you cannot drink the water from your own facet.
If you buy vacation home, you are displacing the local population (who now hate you), the government may fall (putting you in serious danger), and you cannot even drink a glass of water to celebrate.
Enjoy your vacation!
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