Bad Eating Habits

Things I Ate Yesterday

1. Mini bag of cheetos
2. Salted Caramel Mocha (with soy)
3. Pad See Eie (with tofu)
4. Miso soup
5. bag of salad
6. tortilla
7. pretzel M&Ms

palm reading

Once upon a time I  had my palm read at a street fair. The  reader told me my love line was short, but but my life line was long. I would know sorrow, but I would  have a long happy life   A short love line didn’t mean I was incapable of love, it just wasn’t as important as a lifeline.This reading changed how I saw my life.  And from then on I knew everything was going to be okay.  Every problem I had, I solved.  I knew i could make things work, it was all on my hand.  There was a trade off of course,  Because I don’t plan, I always had to solve in crisis mode. Because my love line was short, it was okay that relationships we’re short, that the people in them didn’t matter.  I was just following the lines. And everything always worked out in the end.

About a year ago Real Simple magazine had an article about palm reading.  It turns out I had been looking at the wrong lines on my hand.  It also turns out the lines meant something different.  Something I had believed in so strongly, that gave my life so much direction, was taken from me.  Maybe I should have been concerned with more typical beliefs, like religion or science. Maybe I should have expected a person with a day job of teacher to know how to read a palm.  Maybe I should have planned for things to work, instead of expecting it too.  Maybe I shouldn’t have treated the people in my life like they were disposable.

So I was reading the wrong lines.  Is my life still going to end up the way it’s supposed to?  Can I still make the best of everything? Is it ok to be alone?Will I have better relationships with people, if I stop thinking of them as being replaceable?

I was reading the lines wrong, but I still believe everything is going to be okay.

 

Winter

First world problems about Winter

1.      Everyone thinks its okay to talk about their car.

2.      What is wind-chill? Who are you to tell me how I feel.

3.      Big warm puffy coats make me look fat.

4.      It’s annoying to carrying my coat inside. 

5.      I bundle up in my super warm apartment and then I feel like I’m about to pass out.

6.      Unless it’s a polar vortex, or blizzard, you cannot use weather as an excuse not to do something.

7.      I finished all my Christmas snacks and now I’m sad.

8.      Channukah and Thanksgiving were at the same time, so I was done with holidays before it got cold.

9.      I’ve already spent both my Hanukah and birthday checks.

10.   How is it not over it yet?

Tips for living in Chicago Part 2

It is a lot more expensive to be here than Iowa.  You should have sold your car to afford it.

I went to a public school.  If you see a girl taking off her earring I suggest you walk the other way.

The lake is always east.  You don’t need Google maps to tell you that.

The city is on grid.  Some of the streets slope.  It’s not that hard.

Can’t understand the CTA?  There’s an app for that, and it’s time you learned.

Don’t stress about who to vote for.  They throw those ballots away. 

The Chicago accent is associated with white people from the southside (a rapidly assimilating population). Most of us don’t sound like that.

Northern Midwest English is the closet accent to newscaster standard.  We don’t sound funny, you sound funny.

Kanye may be from here, but he clearly forgot Midwest is Best.

Don’t say you’re from here if you’re not from here.  My parents have been here for 40 years and they still say they’re Indiana.

The cure for every Chicago Meme

Tips for living in Chicago

1.      You flew (drove) here, I grew here.

2.      If you’re from Wilmette don’t front like you’re from here.  Don’t be ashamed, represent.

3.      I can root for the Cubs and the White Sox.  They play in different leagues

4.      You cannot root for the Cubs and the Cardinals.  Do you support good or evil?

5.      It’s okay to end a sentence with a preposition if you’re from the Midwest.

6.      Even vegetarians know the correct the way to eat a hotdog.  DON’T PUT KETCHUP ON HOT DOG.

7.      I don’t care what parking is like in the suburbs, learn to parallel park.

8.      You don’t say the S in Illinois. Stay Classy. 

9.      If my governor threaten to defund Planned Parenthood he would be in jail.

10.   It is a lot more expensive to live here than Iowa.  You should have sold your car to afford it.

Stop trying to make stuff happen.

Stop trying to make stuff happen.

Stop trying to make ______. It’s not going to happen. 

1.      Russia (didn’t we win the cold war)?

2.      Weather (whatever happens I’m not going outside.)

3.      Twerking (it’s juking).

4.      Blurred Lines (rape culture may be catchy, but summer is over).

5.      Christmas (I cannot care until middecember)

6.      Getting engaged in 2013 (I will be the last single person so help me)

7.      Discover Card (I don’t want your card)

8.      Phone updates (my phone is fine, thank you)

9.      Shoulder pain (there is so much to reach for).

10.   This list (not much is trying to make itself happen)

Why I'm Single

I’m a terrible person

You’re no fun

Being in a relationship keeping me from having fun

This why we can’t have nice things

You breathe too loud